B’nai Mitzvah

Welcome to the Cantor Howard M. Stahl B’nai Mitzvah Program.

 

Becoming B’nai Mitzvah is a sacred milestone in the cycle of any young Jewish adult’s life! The process of becoming a B’nai Mitzvah is a meaningful journey that involves the entire family! At TBJ, cultivating the strengths of each student is our utmost priority as they prepare to lead the congregation in prayer, share their unique brand of Torah, and affirm their role in our broader Jewish community.

 

Prayer Resources

What makes B’nai Mitzvah at TBJ unique:

  • Our single-family services are part of an individualized process that allows us to highlight the strengths of each student
  • Every student receives one on one weekly sessions with their tutor
  • Every family will have multiple individual meetings with the clergy
  • Our Family B’nai Mitzvah Class provides four sessions that allows the entire family to participate in the learning process
  • Multi-camera live streaming* provides families with a recording of the service
  • We provide multiple rental spaces** for a Kiddush or party following the service
To request a videographer and/or space at TBJ with your photographer, please contact Amy at awickenheisser@tbj.com.

FAQ

When are B’nai Mitzvah dates assigned?

Dates are set in 3rd grade. Families are invited to an information session with the clergy to learn about the process and then have the opportunity to fill out a request form to express any important information or preferences that should be considered in the date setting process. Dates are then set taking into account many factors including, but not limited to: birth date, social conflicts, and family constraints. 

What are the requirements for a B’nai Mitzvah at TBJ?

  • Membership at Temple B’nai Jeshurun
  • Enrollment in the Religious School beginning in 3rd grade
  • Participation in the 4 Family B’nai Mitzvah Class sessions
  • Payment of the B’nai Mitzvah fee before tutoring begins with clergy
  • If you have any questions about the requirements or your eligibility please contact our B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator.

What membership tier applies to families in the B'nai Mitzvah process?

If you have a child(ren) in our Religious Education Center 3rd grade or above, your membership commitment will be a Family Membership. If you also have a child(ren) in our ECC, you will receive a discount on your Membership Commitment equal to 20% of your ECC Tuition. That amount will offset your Membership Commitment, not to exceed the total Family Membership rate.

If you have any questions about your membership, please contact our Director of Engagement, Rebecca Wood at rwood@tbj.org or (973) 671-6630.

Does my child need to come up with a mitzvah project?

Yes! All students at TBJ undertake a service project known as a “Mitzvah Project.” This is an extended community service project chosen by the student that reflects their individual values and understanding of tikkun olam.  This could mean volunteering in a nursing home, twinning with a holocaust survivor, holding a fundraiser for a cause that is important to you, etc. Ideally, your project should be underway by the time of your service so that you are able to reflect upon it in your D’var Torah.

What is the cost of the B’nai Mitzvah at TBJ?

There is a B’nai Mitzvah fee which reflects the significant synagogue resources that will be invested in your children to enable them to reach this milestone.

The B’nai Mitzvah fee covers six months of one-on-one tutoring and associated materials, sponsorship of the Friday Shabbat oneg,  security and other resources for the service. Payment in full is due by the end of sixth grade, or before tutoring begins.  The fee is billed when dates are assigned, giving families the opportunity to pay over several years, and they may elect an annual or monthly installment plan.

How will my family and friends be able to participate in the service?

There are several opportunities to honor family and friends including aliyot, dressing the Torah, and English readings. You will get a list of these honors from the Rabbi in advance of the service and will have an opportunity to review it all with them.

What if some invitees cannot make it in person? Will they be able to join in the milestone?

Those who are unable to join in person will be able to tune in via live stream. If you would like to receive a recording of the service as a keepsake, please contact Amy at awickenheisser@tbj.org in order to book our videographer.

If I am having my child’s service in Israel, can they be trained by a TBJ tutor?

Yes! Absolutely. Choosing to have your child’s B’nai Mitzvah service in Israel is a wonderful way to observe this milestone. Whether on a private family trip or a TBJ Congregational trip, we are happy to work with your student to prepare them for their experience.  

In this case, we prorate the cost of the B’nai Mitzvah fee to solely cover the tutoring and preparation rather than the service costs.

Can I rent a space at TBJ for my celebration after the B’nai Mitzvah service?

Yes, absolutely. TBJ offers a number of beautiful space options for a Kiddush or celebration. If you are interested in booking a Kiddush or an evening party please contact Amy at 973-671-6622 or awickenheisser@tbj.org.

Why do you use “B’nai Mitzvah” instead of Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

We use “B’nai Mitzvah” as an all-inclusive and gender-neutral term for this milestone moment.

Timeline

3rd Grade

Enroll in & begin attending Religious School (if you are not already!)
Families receive B’nai Mitzvah Date assignments.

4th, 5th, 6th Grade

Attend Religious School

7th Grade

Students enroll in and attend 7th grade TBJ Teen Programming

8-9 months prior

Families will attend a four-part series called Family B’nai Mitzvah Class (FBMC) that helps families to explore mitzvot & tikkun olam through the study of their family values, jewish texts, and tikkun olam. You will be placed in a cohort based on the timing of your bar/bat mitzvah service. These session are required for each child and at least one parent. We recognize that families have multiple commitments; we trust that you will prioritize our sessions together as this is a required part of the B’nai Mitzvah process.

6-7 months prior

Parents have an Initial Meeting with Cantor Fishbein to outline the B’nai Mitzvah service training process and students begin weekly 30-minute lessons with a tutor. In order for us to craft a unique and meaningful experience for your child, we must first gain an understanding of who they are. At that time, you will receive an overview of the coming months and help you understand how best to support your child. Parents will also have the opportunity to share insights into their child’s unique abilities and talents and help us understand how to create an experience that best meets their learning style.

6 months prior

Students begin weekly 30-minute sessions with one of our experienced tutors. In these sessions, students will study the blessings, Torah portion, and Haftarah portion that they will lead at their service.

3 months prior

Each student attends an individual study session with a clergy member to begin their D’var Torah (speech). A D’var Torah is a short speech delivered by the bar or bat mitzvah that is both an interpretation of the Torah portion they have read in in Hebrew as well as how they understand the experience of becoming bar or bat mitzvah.

4 weeks prior

Students transition to weekly bimah rehearsals with one of our cantors. Bimah rehearsals allow each student to feel comfortable and confident on the bimah as they become familiar with the space and have the opportunity to rehearse. 

2 weeks prior

Your family meets with the officiating rabbi to review the service together. The purpose of this session is to get to know your family and gain insight into the individual strengths of your child. At this meeting, you will review your family honors (aliyot, ark openings, etc.) and family yahrzeits.

Week of the Ceremony

  • Families will have a final rehearsal with the officiating cantor. This rehearsal will be an extended run-through and will provide the opportunity for family members to practice their participation in the service as well as ask any questions.
  • Families will join Friday night services for candle lighting and Kiddush.
  • Mazel Tov! You are about to embark on the sacred milestone of becoming B’nai Mitzvah!

Beyond B’nai Mitzvah

We envision that all our B’nai Mitzvah continue their learning and growth through TBJ Teen Programming which has something interesting for every teen.

Contact Us

Please reach out to Miriam Shapiro, B’nai Mitzvah Coordinator

(973) 671-6802 or mshapiro@tbj.org